I have planned my daughters’ weddings for them. As the father of the bride, I claim that prerogative. I get stuck with the bill.
Here’s how we’ll do it, girls. We’ll drop the bride and groom by the church for a quick “I do.” No flowers, crooners or organist. Just get hitched and get out.
The reception will be in our back yard. You’ll recognize the daughter who’s not getting married. She’ll be grilling the hot dogs. My wife will be the DJ (I hope they like the Beatles). I’ll tend bar.
There will be an open bar at my daughters’ weddings – I’m no cheapskate! – all the Pabst you can drink until the mini-keg runs dry.
When the crowd drifts away, I’ll sit down and, with a tear in my eye, write the happy couple a check for $25,000. I’ll be getting off cheap.
The average cost of a wedding today is actually $27,800, according to a survey by the wedding website Theknot.com.
Think of that. $27,800 is the down payment on a nice house. It’s a fancy new car. It’s a year at Mizzou for a grand kid.
Are we going to blow that on a one-day shindig, shiny rocks on a ring and a dress the bride will wear once? Daughter dear, wouldn’t you rather have cash than a bash?
That will be my pitch, anyway. I suspect I’ll get some push back. Girls start dreaming of their weddings when still in middle school, and they keep dreaming until the big day. If my daughters push hard enough, we’ll go to plan B: a nice wedding on a sane budget.
Since I know diddly about this, I asked help from a wedding planner, Ellen Gutierrez, and a very thrifty person, Barbara Ann Hughes.
Hughes is the queen of used. She teaches a course at St. Louis Community College titled “You can’t have enough stuff; the art of going to garage sales, estate sales and flea markets.” She furnished her whole house in Town and Country second hand.
Her advice to parents; Give the young lovers a set amount for the wedding and say, “Anything you don’t spend you can keep.” That encourages thrift.
That gets us to cheap dresses. Back in 1975, my wife bought her wedding dress used, then sold it for a profit. These days, eBay lists used wedding dresses as cheap as $49. What could possibly go wrong?
If you want to actually try on the dress before you buy it, go to the Scholar Shops in Clayton and Webster Groves. Profits go to loans to needy college students. Goodwill thrift stores, another good charity, often have used wedding dresses in stock.
Scholar Shop sells used wedding dresses for $75 to $250, says Kim Abel, director of the Scholarship Foundation, which runs the shops. Some donated dresses still have tags on them; evidence that love can go awry.
Think barter. Abel knows a parent in video production who bartered with a friend in the travel business. One couple got a free wedding video, and the other a cut-rate honeymoon.
Think do-it-yourself. When Hughes was married, she did all the decorating. She put two fish bowls stuffed with silk flowers on the altar. “The pastor said, ‘Those look really pretty. Can we leave them up for tomorrow’s service.’ I said sure,” said Hughes.
Wedding planner Gutierrez, of Brides Vision in Kirkwood, disagrees with the DIY solution.
“I try to keep my brides and moms as calm as possible,” she says. Running around with flowers in fishbowls doesn’t create serenity. “I try to allow them to be a guest at their own wedding,” she says.
Gutierrez’ top recommendation for saving money: Limit the crowd you wine and dine. “Ask yourself, ‘Does this person have meaning in your life in the long run?’”
Consider a lunch instead of a dinner, she says. It’s cheaper.
If you’re planning to celebrate somewhere other than your back yard, prepare to pay through the wazoo. But there are tactics for keeping the cost down.
Consider odd locations. At the St. Louis Zoo, for instance, one couple is planning a wedding witnessed by hippopotami in front of the hippo enclosure. “They love hippos,” says Kathy Lunders, director of group sales, who also planned dizzy weddings on the zoo merry-go-round. (Disclosure: My wife works at the zoo.)
“You can get married at the Four Seasons or at the VFW hall and every place in between,” says Gutierrez. Wedding in the off-season, say January instead of June, might save you a little on a hall rental but not much, she says.
You can cheap out by using a fake wedding cake rented from a bakery, Hughes says. Only the top tier is real, so the bride and groom can cut it. Then it’s wheeled back into the kitchen. The guests eat sheet cake.
Nancy Slade, editor of St. Louis Bride magazine, says brides should set their top priorities up front. “For one bride it may be the photography. She wants pictures she can remember for the rest of her life. For another, it may be the flowers,” Slade says.
Spend your money where it will have the most meaning, she says.
Source